I'm drive I can fine osifer
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
