You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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