I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
