I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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