So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
