He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
