my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
