U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
