Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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