i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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