I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
