let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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