Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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