im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a naked man in my car right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
