Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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