Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
