the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
