i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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