you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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