no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My life is pants optional.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
