Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
