I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
