Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
