oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize