If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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