there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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