one two three fourrrrnication!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
