I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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