Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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