I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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