I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
