dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
