I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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