i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
