U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize