I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
