I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You smell like stripper and shame
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
