I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
