I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
