Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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