you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
