I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
