Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize