I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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