Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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