KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
