How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize