do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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