ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
