If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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