You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
