Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
