i think my mom watched the whole time
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
