Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
