I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
