i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
