Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
