I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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