You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
