I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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