somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
