I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
