i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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