Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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