We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the day after is always just damage control
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
