i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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