just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
