I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
