wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
