So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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