He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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