I accidentally had phone sex last night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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