so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Of course I have a pirate flag
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
