I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
