you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
