DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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