and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
