im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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