I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
