She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
