my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
