I can text with my tongue
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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