You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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