Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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