My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
